As I learn more about my ancestors there is one common theme that always causes great disappointment. The more I learn about them, the better I want to know them. Most of what I know about them is based on birth and death dates, children’s names, names of places they lived, one brief line on a census, and if I’m lucky, a short life sketch written by their child or grandchild who knew them. These little bits I’m able to get my hands on gives me just enough of a glimpse to know I want to know so much more. It is always disappointing when I learn the little I do and want to know so much more but I know I’ll never be able to simply because their life story was never recorded. All my ancestors lived full, complicated, amazing lives, just as I am now doing, but the whole of many of their life experiences has been forgotten by the world, it is not known and the only reason I know they existed is because I am here. All of their joys, victories, experiences, pains, difficulties, and wisdom has been forgotten and lost. I want to know them, but I can’t, simply because nothing about them was ever written down.
When you think about this tragedy you would imagine that it would have been solved by the modern world. It makes sense that people in the early 1800’s didn’t write life stories. They didn’t have cameras, or video recorders, or audio recorders, or electricity, or inexpensive notebooks, free time or often even literacy. It was the nature of the world they lived in, it was very difficult to record and preserve their life story, or even a basic life sketch. Surprisingly, though we live in such a different, more advanced world, the tragedy continues. All the technology, free time, and recording options have not produced the amount of life stories saved for future generations as you would expect. In our modern world we still manage to let ourselves be forgotten.
Why do we do this? Why do we live our lives without preserving our thoughts, feelings, stories and wisdom so they can be passed down through the generations? There are many answers to this, perhaps the chief of them is we don’t make it a priority. There are so many things happening in our lives at every moment that we don’t think to take the time and record some of it. Even when we do record moments of our lives it is usually through pictures or videos. These are great to have, but they would be so much better and more valuable to future generations if they also knew more about us, our lives, our personalities, our dreams, and wisdom.
There are many other reasons that keep us from recording our life for future generations. One big one is that it seems prideful. Most people are hesitant to talk about themselves, especially if the context is to preserve their lives and wisdom for future generations. We often see it as pretentious to think that we have anything to share or that we would be so important to be remembered. In reality though, such thinking is ironically selfish. Future generations will want to know about you. If you refuse to let them know who you are then you are keeping a great blessing from them.
Another reason we tend not to record our stories is we don’t know how to. Yes, we have all the tools in the world available to us, but a practice in recording our life story is not intuitive. It takes conscious planning and preparation. You have to decide if you want to write things out, audio record them, video record them, dictate, etc. You have to decide what kind of method to use. Will you respond to questions or prompts, let someone interview you, write a journal, record individual stories and insights, or write an entire life story memoir. It can seem like there is a lot to go into it which can feel very daunting.
On top of all this, often we think our lives are boring or we simply don’t know what to say. It never crosses our mind to make a record of our life, so when the topic is brought up, we go blank and have nothing to share.
These are all common issues we face in our modern world that keep us from preserving our stories and wisdom. Often, these are the challenges we face when we want our parents and grandparents to take some time and systematically record their life story. So, with all these challenges before us, how can you get your parents and grandparents to agree to record their life story and how can you get them to truly open up? Here are some suggestions to capture the stories and wisdom your loved ones have inside them.
1. Help them understand why you want to record their life story.
I feel most people will soften to an idea if they are presented the reasoning behind it right from the start. Explain to them that you are so impressed with their life and all they have done for you. Tell them you wish you knew more about their grandparents and that you want your children and grandchildren to truly know them as you do. Tell them how much it would mean to you if they would take a little time and share their stories and wisdom with you. If you help them understand all the reasons why it is important to you, they will be more likely to oblige. If that doesn’t work, send their grandkids after them with the same requests.
2. Help them understand the different options they could use to record their life story.
Some people may feel uncomfortable with the idea of opening up about their personal life on the spot and in front of others. That isn’t the only way for them to share their stories and wisdom. Let them know there are many ways they can go about it. You, or a professional personal historian could conduct a series of interviews where they are interviewed and they just answer questions about their life. They could even get the questions before hand if they insisted so they would know exactly what would be asked. They could set up a journaling schedule where they write out their stories and thoughts on their own. They could write freestyle or could use prompts that you find and give to them to answer. They could create an audio journal on their own where they simply talk about their life and insights. Grandkids and other family members could send them email questions that they respond to over a few months which could then be collected and compiled. The possibilities are endless, get creative and give them options.
3. Show them what someone else has produced
Perhaps your loved one doesn’t fully understand what you are trying to do. Find an example you can share with them. Find a personal memoir that someone else has made and show them that you would love to have something similar about their life. Find someone who has made an audio or video recording of their life story and play some of it for them. Give them some idea of what the end result will be so it because a little less scary or daunting for them.
4. Help them understand it is not prideful and that they have so much to share.
If a fear of pride is their major concern, talk through that with them and help them understand that it is a favor to you, not a prideful endeavor for them. Talk to them about their life and the things that fascinate you about their life story. Get them to remember all they have done and how their stories have affected you. Doing this may open their eyes to how special their life has been and get them to agree to share.
5. Listen to them
If they protest your requests for them to share, listen to what their concerns are. Try to understand exactly why they don’t want to do this thing. Talk through their concerns with them and help them think through them. Often, there is some hidden reason in their mind that keeps them from wanting to share. They may not even be aware of that hidden reason. If you are kind and talk through it with them, they may realize their hidden reason is not a big deal after all and they may warm up to the idea after they realize it actually might not be that bad.
These are just a few ways you can try to get your parents, grandparents, or other loved ones to open up and record their life story and wisdom. Everyone has a story, they need to be shared, recorded, and remembered. Even if a small portion of the wisdom gained in one lifetime can be passed on to future generations, amazing progress can be achieved. Do what it takes to preserve your family stories, you will regret it if you don’t.
