Today I completed the biggest auto repair job I’ve ever done. It wasn’t that big of a job…just big for me. The starter in my wife’s car went out. After doing a little research online I found a very good video tutorial showing exactly how to do the repair on her exact car. I had some extra time, as we are currently traveling and I’m off of work for the week. I figured it might be fun to try to do it myself and saving a few hundred dollars wouldn’t hurt either. Boosted by my confidence in the video tutorial I dove in and finished the whole thing in a couple of hours. It seems to be working great now…and there were no extra bolts remaining after I was done, so I think I did a pretty good job.
Though this was the biggest auto repair I had done on my own, it was not the first, or biggest, I have been involved in. Growing up I can’t count the hours I stood in front of an open hood watching my dad wrangle the family cars into operation. I was never much help. My biggest contribution was holding the flashlight. I also handed him tools and on occasion he would have me loosen or tighten a bolt. These many hours didn’t translate into very good mechanic skills on my part…but they did strengthen an incredible relationship between father and son.
This morning as I started taking the engine bay apart I thought about my dad. Here I was, a grown man feeling great knowing his dad would be proud of him right now. My dad always said I was a little too timid when it came to jumping into a project. He thought it was funny that I would spend more time analyzing the situation than it would take to just get it done. He was right…not that his approach as perfect either. He was a bull in a china shop. He would just jump into any project even if he had no clue how to fix it and would just try everything unit he figured it out. This wasn’t always the most effective approach, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It provided for many more hours by his side than if more strategy had been applied. This morning my dad would have been proud, I put the hesitation aside and got to work.
While working on the car this morning I thought about all those times watching my dad. Those times gave me opportunities to better understand him. As I thought about this, I wondered, would I have known my dad as well if we hadn’t spent those hours together working on the cars? Would have we had the same deep relationship we did? At the time, those hours were probably thought of as a waste, by both him and me. My dad worked hard. For the vast majority of my growing up years he always had two or three jobs and literally worked 15-18 hours a day. He didn’t get much free time. I imagine the last thing he wanted to do when he had some extra time was to work on the car. I’m sure he would have loved to just relax, watch TV, or read. I say this, but he never acted like he minded. My dad never complained about anything, he just got to work when something needed to be done.
…I wondered, would I have known my dad as well if we hadn’t spent those hours together working on the cars? Would have we had the same deep relationship we did?
During those many auto repair hours, my did didn’t just get to work. He also got to teaching. He would explain the parts of the car, how they worked, and how they interacted with each other. He would teach me about the tools we were using and how to properly use them. By example, he taught me that someone could dig into a problem, diagnose the issue, and fix it. More important than all those things, he would use the time to talk. If there was something interesting he had recently heard on the radio or read in a book, he would tell me about it. He would be excited to teach me what he had heard. I learned a lot about current events and interesting facts this way.
My dad was never one to attract attention to himself. He wasn’t a big sharer when it came to his feelings and things like that, but these auto repair sessions created a space where things would come out sometimes. No big revealing insights, but little glimpses into his heart and mind. I got to witness what was in his heart and who he truly was. He had a heart of gold and I knew it because these little glimpses showed me.
These times under the hood also gave me opportunities to talk and share. They created a situation where my dad could better understand me. It created a space for the moments that build relationships. He would ask me about my dreams and goals. We shared an interest in entrepreneurship and he would encourage those dreams of mine. We would talk about history and he would help me better understand things that had happened in the past and the dynamics at play in how society developed.
My dad has always been and always will be my hero. For a long time I’ve thought back to these times working on the cars together. Those hours are now sacred to me.
The more I thought about it I realized the answer to my question was no, we wouldn’t have had the same relationship without those auto repair hours. If my dad would have had a little extra money to pay someone to work on the car, our relationship would have been different. We probably wouldn’t have known each other as well as we did.
…I realized the answer to my question was no, we wouldn’t have had the same relationship without those auto repair hours.
My dad left an incredible legacy for me and my siblings. My goal is to perpetuate his legacy and build on it. Those many hours working on the cars contributed greatly to the legacy he built. You don’t have to work on cars to have a similar experience. Legacies are best when build deliberately. Be deliberate with you time and how you spend it with those you love, especially your children. Create spaces and times where you can connect one on one. Create opportunities to share, teach, learn, and build relationships. Doing so will pay greater dividends to your legacy than most other activities. Those little moments over time are what build lasting legacies.
